The Wreckage of Agathon Read online

  The Wreckage of Agathon

  John Gardner

  This book is dedicated to Duncan Luke

  Therefore with the same necessity with which the stone falls to the earth, the hungry wolf buries its fangs in the flesh of its prey, without the possibility of the knowledge that it is itself the destroyed as well as the destroyer.

  —Schopenhauer

  The World as Will and Idea

  Contents

  1 Peeker

  2 Agathon

  3 Peeker

  4 Agathon

  5 Agathon

  6 Peeker

  7 Agathon

  8 Agathon

  9 Peeker

  10 Agathon

  11 Agathon

  12 Peeker

  13 Agathon

  14 Peeker

  15 Agathon

  16 Peeker

  17 Agathon

  18 Peeker

  19 Agathon

  20 Peeker

  21 Agathon

  22 Peeker

  23 Agathon

  24 Agathon

  25 Peeker

  26 Agathon

  27 Peeker

  28 Agathon

  29 Peeker

  30 Agathon

  31 Agathon

  32 Peeker

  33 Agathon (Last Entry)

  34 Peeker

  A Biography of John Gardner

  1 Peeker:

  “What charge?” cried Agathon, rolling his eyes up, clinging to his crutch, “what charge?” His eyebrows were like tangled hazel and hawthorn and oak moss, a blown-down forest of silver trunks and boughs. His nose was like an avalanche, his eyes were like two caves. “What charge?” he cried, and banged his crutch. “Master, for the love of God,” I said, but he gave me a look and roared again, “What charge?” A question obscenely presumptuous, for he was the foulest man alive, by any reasonable standard: a maker of suggestions to ugly fat old cleaning ladies, a midnight prowler in the most disgusting parts of town—the alleys of the poor, the palace gardens—who searched out visions of undressed maidens and coupling lovers, especially old ones, and lived, whenever his onion patch had nothing in it but burdocks and brambles, by foraging in the garbage tubs behind houses. (I have followed him for three years, though I speak of him with understandable detachment, and I know these things I’m telling you for facts.) He was seated on a curb when they came to arrest him, cooling his great horny feet in the gutter, up to the ankles in the indeterminate principle. (His words, not mine.) “I do not overprize sewage,” he sometimes defended himself when children teased him. “It’s smooth and cool, but also smelly. Neither do I overprize kings.” And he would cackle. Occasionally people would laugh and praise him. Usually they threw stones. Either way, he was happy. He was a fool, and I was ashamed of him. He was a troublemaker. When one of the stones they threw hit me and broke my head, he would say, “Tut tut! That’s a nasty scratch!” In the beginning I used to resolve sometimes that I would murder him, but he would reason with me and twist my mind and make me believe that I ought to be proud to be seen with him. In any case, I knew that if I murdered him I would have to go back with my mother.

  The officers who had come to arrest him stared straight ahead, embarrassed to be seen laying hands on a famous and respected Seer, and annoyed at his stupid question. The old man went on asking it, fanatically, shaking with indignation and wagging his finger at them (he was standing now, lifting one foot gingerly from the cool black sewage to the blistering heat of the cobblestones): “I insist that you tell me the charge!” His tenacious hold on trivial fact, he told me, was the secret of his genius.

  They gave him no answer, merely growled, “Come along.” The police would have given him a swat if they dared, and I would have agreed with them. But swatting a Seer brings bad luck, and besides, his eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot, and his tongue was thick: his grasp on lower reality was uncertain. If they swatted him, he’d fall down and splash them with sewage. “Come along,” they said.

  Agathon obeyed, his rags flying like starlings. He hobbled between the two policemen like a man in pain, but I knew he was ecstatic, the center, once more, of all the gods’ and all mankind’s attention. The huge stone horse that towers over the temple of Poseidon looked down across the city at him, full of love and awe. Even the dogs looking up at him from their noonday rest admired him, he thought. Magnificent soaring eagle! (It takes no genius to know what Agathon’s thinking, except in his trances. To know what he thinks in his trances you have to be crazy.) He hobbled with violent jerks of his crutch and twistings of his face, now and then loosing a horrendous fart, because of his living so long on onions, and so he proceeded with the two policemen down the winding street toward the great stone square of government buildings, the ephors’ Hall of Justice. I followed, a little behind them, bringing the jug. I kept by the walls and hurried from one building’s shadow to another. He stumbled once or twice and reeled, throwing out his arms like mangy wings. They caught him, wincing with distaste.

  “Lykourgos will hear of this!” he squealed. “All Time and Space will hear of this!” And then, forgetting himself, he giggled. (I ducked and hid behind my arm, as I always did in these situations. There was nothing I could do with him.) “Did I ever tell you my theory of Time and Space?”

  They ignored him.

  Children, seeing the officers pass with Agathon, came running from their yards and houses to follow, joyfully mimicking first his limp, then the officers’ official strut (they walked toeing out, so he toed in, for symmetry), and they called out words of encouragement, now to Agathon, now to the police. A young Helot girl came running to mock him, though once he’d saved her when she was chased by a cow. (I was there. I saw it all.) “Bless you, bless you,” cried Agathon, beaming like the sun. It was all his doing, this festival spirit, and maybe he was rightly pleased. Ten years ago, those who liked him would have been alarmed at seeing him dragged away to jail, and those he disgusted would perhaps have thrown thorns in the path of those filthy bare feet. They’d had no philosophy, he said. No deep sense of the holiness of things. He’d converted them all. If he’d wanted to, he used to tell me, he could have changed the weather. He had Influence. “Bless you, bless you!” he said to the sullen young officer on his right. Old women in black, with sunken mouths and eyes like open graves, watched him go past. “Remember death!” he whispered to the guard on his left. The guard stared forward.

  (I give you, though I am only an apprentice in matters of this kind, a vision of the world peeled bare: Two officers, shiny and clean as needles, erect and elegant as unicorn horns, march down a sunlit swept-stone street, clumsily slowing their otherwise military pace for the old man between them. Their captive is a smallish, fat old clown with a halo of tangled silver hair ascending from his dome, a beard that shoots from his chin like lilacs, his robe more tattered and filth-bespattered than anarchy, his lips as endlessly in motion as the wind, saying words that play between cracked and crocked. Behind them come children whose laughter unifies Spartan law and those passing absurdities, us.)

  Try as he might, he could not learn what charge it was they’d arrested him on. No matter, of course, as he used to say. It would reveal itself, in time, like everything else. “Ah ha!” he said, looking crafty, “I’ve got it! You suspect me of plotting an earthquake!” He laughed till tears ran down his cheeks and he had to pause, hanging breathless from his crutch. “You overestimate me, friends. Watch this!” He roared, eyes wide and ominous:

  “Tremble, mountains! Shatter, air!

  Shake Lykourgos from his chair!”

  Nothing happened. “You see?” he squealed triumphantly. But he paused again, head cocked, as if afraid he might have started something after all.
But old Poseidon the earth-trembler was off somewhere among the sunburnt races, smelling the smoke of thighbones burning, haunches of rams and bulls. The mountains remained as they were, the air did not shatter. It was a holy moment. “Impotent!” he said gleefully. “I’m impotent!” He glanced back at me sheepishly. I’ve reminded him a thousand times that all he ever talks about is sex.

  “Keep walking,” they said.

  He walked.

  I could have told them, if they’d asked, that the old man wasn’t as drunk as he appeared, though he was, as usual, deeply, reverently drunk. He stood weaving, hands clasped, in the immense Hall of Justice, struggling to focus the Board of Ephors who gazed down on him. They were the greatest men in Sparta, perhaps the most powerful men in the world, and he knew them all, had served them often in his younger years (if anything at all that he tells me is true). They were greater than Kharilaus and Arkhelaus, the kings; greater even than the Lawgiver, Lykourgos. Though each of them, individually, was merely a man, subject to the usual misgivings of heart and inflammations of liver, as Agathon says, they were, together, more awesome than the oracle at Delphi. They could set aside the oracle as they set aside the whims of common mortals. They were the final masters in all things foreign and domestic, ecclesiastic and secular. But Agathon, being the god’s fool, was unimpressed. Though their black robes and square red hats and shaved upper lips were all the same, their persons were various, some fat, some thin, some black-haired, some silvered. He pointed this out in a marveling voice to the guard on his right, and his face squeezed up into wrinkles as though he were closing his mind on the fact like a fist around a stone. I crouched in the doorway, cradling the old white jug in my arms and peering in like a beggar to see what would happen. Nothing did, for a long time. Agathon leaned on his crutch, hands clasped, looking up at the ephors or maybe at the iron trident that ascended almost to the ceiling behind them, and waited with his head cocked. Still nothing. He gave a jerk and I realized he was going to sleep. At last the Chairman stood up, behind the table, and addressed him. I couldn’t make out a word he said, and I doubt that Agathon could either. The words were swallowed in echoes that rolled like thunder.

  “Blallooom, blallooom, blallooom,” the Chairman said.

  Agathon considered. “Onions,” he said at last, and tipped his head to the other side to see if he was right.

  “Blallooom?” the Chairman said nastily.

  Agathon considered again. “For several reasons, your honor,” he said. He stood for some time sucking his mouth in and blowing it out again thoughtfully and scratching at his seat with his left hand. “Onions are very nourishing, relatively. And they’re uplifting: their roundness inclines the mind to unity and completion. Also, onions occur in Nature, which is wonderful. And onions make people cry who wouldn’t otherwise.” He smiled, rueful, and stretched out his arm. “I like onions. It’s nothing personal. I just like them. Also, they’re cheap.” He began to giggle and couldn’t stop himself. I covered my face with my two arms and the jug.

  “Blalloooom!” said the Chairman. The ephors conferred, and after a moment the Chairman spoke again. “Blallooom.”

  One of the guards seized Agathon by the shoulder and turned him around. They led him away. I ducked around the building to see where they were taking him, and when I saw they were heading toward the north end of town, where the prison is, I stopped. It’s a horrible place—a sprawling gray-stone mass of buildings filled with sickness and misery, honeycombed with windows like bugs’ holes and smoking here and there, day and night, like a garbage dump. I’d be damned if I was going there. He’d earned whatever it was he was getting, and the only bad things I’d ever done in my life were pull him up out of the street a few times so that no one could run over him. I was stupid to follow the old man at all, but I’d be stupider if I followed him to jail. He drew flies. I wouldn’t have been surprised if I looked up sometime on a hot day and saw vultures circling over us. Sometimes when he was haranguing a crowd the people standing nearest to him would faint. They really did. I wasn’t going. A fat pig’s hell on him!

  The trouble was, I still had the jug. “I’d be blind without that jug, boy,” he used to say. But it was worse than that. Without his jug he’d shrivel up like a prune and all his blood would turn to dust. I clung tighter to the jug’s sides and clenched my teeth against the injustice of everything. Was it my fault that he couldn’t carry his own damn jug? Nevertheless, I could hardly stand it, watching the poor old bastard jerking and wobbling away in the distance between the two guards, never to be seen again by man, except for maybe the man who swept him up when he dried out. I would have to go live with my mother and sell apples.

  Then he yelled, louder than a trumpet “Peeker!” He jerked away from the guards enough to turn, his whole face twisted like a mop. “Peeker!” His name for me. He calls me that right in front of people. May herds of elephants trample his fucking old bones. He called out again, like the scream of a man going over a cliff for the third time: “Peeker! The jug!” I had no choice. I may be an old man myself sometime, though I doubt it. “All right,” I screamed, “all right!” So they found out I was his follower, and they put me with him in the cell.

  “It’s good to have you here with me, my boy,” he said, and patted my shoulder. I couldn’t think of a suitable answer, except maybe banging my head on the wall or hitting myself with his crutch.

  By evening, the jug was empty. He sat, sweating and dejected, at the table in the middle of the cell. The room was full of large flies buzzing a deep dull drone, as if they too felt the heat. “Is it possible that they’ve brought their Seer to this dismal place to dry him out?” he said. “Have they no more respect than that for Apollo’s choosing of his chosen?” He wrung his fingers and rolled his eyes up, getting into the swing of it “What will become of me, here where I can get no wine and, worse, where I haven’t a soul to lecture or rant at or mock?”

  “You have me,” I said.

  But he ignored it. He was enjoying himself. He stretched his arms toward the ceiling—they were dirtier than the horns of a bull that’s been goring things. “What becomes of a Seer when harassment drives him sane? These are dark times, Peeker! And dangerous times! The fires of revolution, the daily arrests. Even the children are sullen and withdrawn as mountain goats.” His eyes grew stern. “These are wintry times, Peeker. The streets are slick with ice. The people move about silently, mufflered to the eyes.”

  “It’s summer,” I said. I understood, of course, that it was useless to try to persuade him.

  “Men are dying out there, you know. Falling asleep in snowdrifts and never awakening. That’s why I bless them, even when they do me wrong. Also, of course, why should I curse my enemies and make them hit me?” He giggled, as I’d expected him to, then sighed, which caught me off guard. It made me nervous, and I looked out through the cell-door bars at the pleasant summer evening stretching away toward the mountains. When I looked back I saw that, in his vague way, he had been watching me. He smiled, crafty as usual but also full of sadness. “How can even a Seer tell the truth when he’s sitting all by himself in a cell, frozen to the marrow, without so much as the shadow of a drop of wine, and nobody who loves him that he can write to?”

  “I’m here,” I said. “I’m somebody.” Then I was embarrassed. “Never complain, never explain,” my mother says.

  Agathon laughed, Hyuck, hyuck, hyuck! Something between a Helot and a rooster. He asked, “How old are you, Peeker?”

  I looked away and blushed. “Twenty,” I said. A person ought to have become something by twenty, I admit, but I was sickly as a child. I’m still not as well as I might be. That’s why he lets me accompany him. Our two shadows on the cobblestones—his as round as a potato, mine more like an asparagus—remind him that life is fundamentally risible. I ground my fist into my hand and looked at my knees.

  “Twenty,” he said, and smiled sadly. “Then I see I am many years your senior and can afford to humor you. We’l
l say it’s summer.”

  “It doesn’t matter,” I said.

  “That’s true!” he said, and his eyes brightened for a moment, it seemed to me, then dulled again. “No, it does matter, to a certain extent. Everything matters, to a certain extent, now that our jug’s gone dry.”

  He pushed his chair back, leaned over for the crutch on the floor, and, grunting a little, got up. He jerked over to the cell door as if something I’d said had made him cross. He peered out for a long time, sucking in his mouth so far that his beard and moustache met. Finally he pivoted around to face me squarely, sober as a disreputable judge. His eyebrows went out like two mountain slopes, and his cheeks twitched like an earthquake. “Break the jug!” he said. “A man can be crazy without it!”

  I broke the jug.

  His eyes widened. “Peeker! It was a metaphor!” He hobbled over to the pieces in a hurry, as if if he got there in time he could stick them together again. He was too late. He looked at me over his shoulder, deeply grieved.

  “I’m sorry,” I said.

  He moved his head slowly from side to side. “Ah well,” he said, wiping his hands on his stomach. “Ah well.” He leaned on the table and, after deep meditation, sat down. At last he smiled, as if forgiving me; but it wasn’t that. He’d forgiven me for it long ago, because he’d known it would happen. He always knows. It had merely slipped his mind.

  2 Agathon:

  I have difficulty maintaining my crafty leer. Last night they had another execution. I couldn’t see it—the cell door faces the wrong direction—but I could hear the roars of the crowd. They’re something, these people. The roars are deliberate, calculated. As the condemned man’s pain drives out his fear, the roars of the crowd grow more intense, less human, ringing like a sound of bees from every pitted, icy wall, to call him back to terror. A man doesn’t need to see them marching, every flick of the knee precise, to know this city’s been squeezed tight into one man’s image—the image of a lunatic: Lykourgos.